He mumbles and my mind wanders from his lips and gets lost.
Monday.
Again.
Again and again.
I feel a little like I've been run over by a mack truck.
His lips are still moving. His eyes catch my attention. Nice eyes.
I am thinking about all there is to do this week and the 8 million ways to avoid doing any of it. Right now for example I am supposed to be listening to the words pushing past his lips and not day dreaming about what he might look like with out that beard.
Funny looking. Naked. Awkward.
The beard suits him.
29.10.07
26.10.07
Random Thoughts!
I wish I'd worn my contacts today... I need to go back to lens crafters and have my glasses adjusted to fit my teenie tiny head... again, and then I need to remember not to lie on the things and bend them out of their teenie tiny shape.
I am trying to eat healthy but I am having trouble finding that balance between too little and too much. So I end up under/over eating. So weird. And water, now that I drink 8-12 glasses of water a day- I'm thirsty all the time! How the hell does that work?
I am buying myself a new bed for boxing day! Cant wait!
What else is new?
Starting bartending school soon, hoping to get a job where people actually tip. Then I'm going to work all christmas and hopefully make enough money for afore mentioned bed.
Getting my hair done at that place that is WAY too expensive by that girl who does a FANTASTIC job. But is rough on my skull. BUT she does a FANTASTIC job. What should I have done? Any Ideas? I'm not cutting more than 3 inches off my hair.
Have Homework I should be doing now instead of this.
Am taking Kickboxercise!!! it is awesome!!!! I get to kick things!!!!!
Have a good weekend everybody!!! Hopefully I will too! I need to relieve some tension... maybe... SHOPPING!!!
I am trying to eat healthy but I am having trouble finding that balance between too little and too much. So I end up under/over eating. So weird. And water, now that I drink 8-12 glasses of water a day- I'm thirsty all the time! How the hell does that work?
I am buying myself a new bed for boxing day! Cant wait!
What else is new?
Starting bartending school soon, hoping to get a job where people actually tip. Then I'm going to work all christmas and hopefully make enough money for afore mentioned bed.
Getting my hair done at that place that is WAY too expensive by that girl who does a FANTASTIC job. But is rough on my skull. BUT she does a FANTASTIC job. What should I have done? Any Ideas? I'm not cutting more than 3 inches off my hair.
Have Homework I should be doing now instead of this.
Am taking Kickboxercise!!! it is awesome!!!! I get to kick things!!!!!
Have a good weekend everybody!!! Hopefully I will too! I need to relieve some tension... maybe... SHOPPING!!!
23.10.07
ART IS?
Yesterday my class had a long and passionate discussion about what art is... I mean one dude was almost shouting because his idea of what art is did not Jive with everyone else's. WOW.
Art is personal. It is intention. An expression. A craft. It has no solid definition to the masses, not here, not in Canada. Here in Canada art is that dirty little secret.
The other day someone said to me: "Don't Laugh... my real dream is to write a book. I want to write."
It is that tooth that you put under your pillow and hope for money to appear in return.
It is uncomfortable.
It is growth.
It is discovering yourself and your potential and sharing it with the world, or keeping it to yourself.
It's not porn.
It's burlesque.
It is what I want to create and have you praise.
It is entertainment.
It is ever-changing and malleable and...
to some people
it is everything.
Art is personal. It is intention. An expression. A craft. It has no solid definition to the masses, not here, not in Canada. Here in Canada art is that dirty little secret.
The other day someone said to me: "Don't Laugh... my real dream is to write a book. I want to write."
It is that tooth that you put under your pillow and hope for money to appear in return.
It is uncomfortable.
It is growth.
It is discovering yourself and your potential and sharing it with the world, or keeping it to yourself.
It's not porn.
It's burlesque.
It is what I want to create and have you praise.
It is entertainment.
It is ever-changing and malleable and...
to some people
it is everything.
22.10.07
Realizing she has a fan base... Sarah, Allie is going to try to post more regularly... might need some metamucil first
I was almost run over this morning. In a crosswalk. The car slowly drove toward me until I realized that if I took one more step, if she drove one more foot, I would be bouncing of the hood of the beater her daddy obviously didn't buy her. Gotta respect that at least. I did the usual arms slightly shrugged "WHAT THE FUCK." She dipped her head apologetically and drove off into the student lot.
I wanted to chase after her. But. It's early. And that would only be bad news.
Should have kicked the car as it went by.
Should have let her hit me.... I have a midterm this morning.
And she was driving slowly.
I wanted to chase after her. But. It's early. And that would only be bad news.
Should have kicked the car as it went by.
Should have let her hit me.... I have a midterm this morning.
And she was driving slowly.
19.10.07
Her arms swung up and punched the air, while her body twisted and dipped. Turned. Stomped, twisted, got low. The music beat loud. Carried the crowd. Sticky floors sucked at the soles of her boots. In the corner a man in black. Not having fun. Watching everyone. The bouncer glares at the crowd, bored. She rocks her body, oblivious to everyone, even the man dancing with her. It's her, and the beat. And the ominous presence of the man in black.
15.10.07
Writing
If I quiet my thoughts.
And write them before they speak to me.
They tend to tell less lies.
They tend to tell more beautifully
with honesty.
The workings of my mind.
And write them before they speak to me.
They tend to tell less lies.
They tend to tell more beautifully
with honesty.
The workings of my mind.
25.9.07
Yesterdays Free Write
Pen to page.
Skeevy pirates,
A parrot would talk to much.
Would lack impulse control.
Kinda like me.
Dicipline. No I do not want to teach.
Not big. Not small. Not teach at all.
I am wondering how long it takes to become. How long I can last like this:
I burn the candle at all ends.
I allude sleep. And it in turn alludes me.
I wrote a poem in the shower. In my head. It almost slipped away. Instead I just looked slightly foolish. I hate the "You're writing poetry?" Words work, twist, splay, and turn. Splish tare, and bare.
They leave everything naked to anothers eyes and judgement.
Size
Script
Ink
It's all relevant
Skeevy pirates,
A parrot would talk to much.
Would lack impulse control.
Kinda like me.
Dicipline. No I do not want to teach.
Not big. Not small. Not teach at all.
I am wondering how long it takes to become. How long I can last like this:
I burn the candle at all ends.
I allude sleep. And it in turn alludes me.
I wrote a poem in the shower. In my head. It almost slipped away. Instead I just looked slightly foolish. I hate the "You're writing poetry?" Words work, twist, splay, and turn. Splish tare, and bare.
They leave everything naked to anothers eyes and judgement.
Size
Script
Ink
It's all relevant
10.9.07
Update on Lil' Preggo
After playing a used woman turned stripper, Lil Preggo's newest role is Pregnant Hooker.
I love it.
Except for this time she gets to keep her clothes on... but maybe it will be more appropriate to cat call?
I am so going to be the one yelling "Ya Mommy!" from the audience :P
I love it.
Except for this time she gets to keep her clothes on... but maybe it will be more appropriate to cat call?
I am so going to be the one yelling "Ya Mommy!" from the audience :P
6.9.07
All is fair
Started classes yesterday and became quickly bored out of my mind by the in depth reading of course outlines. Arg.
Poetry class looks good tho. Even tho I am the worst poet EVER, I love workshopping, it is so educational. It looks like there is going to be a good group.
My problem is my poetry often ends up looking to much like prose.
For example, somehow I want to turn the following into a poem:
I study sex every chance I get.
That is to say I'm a scorpio.
"Nympho."
Scorpio.
"Same thing."
Probably I'll add some random facts that I've learned over my last year of studies regarding western sexualities. Like that clitorectomies were used as lates as the 1950's to cure small girls from masterbation. Or that video killed the stripping industry. Oh, and my all time favorite, that Canada Customs has control over the media allowed into the country, and decides what is indecent. Customs. LAME.
Fun stuff like that.
What do you think?
Anyone have any fun facts?
Poetry class looks good tho. Even tho I am the worst poet EVER, I love workshopping, it is so educational. It looks like there is going to be a good group.
My problem is my poetry often ends up looking to much like prose.
For example, somehow I want to turn the following into a poem:
I study sex every chance I get.
That is to say I'm a scorpio.
"Nympho."
Scorpio.
"Same thing."
Probably I'll add some random facts that I've learned over my last year of studies regarding western sexualities. Like that clitorectomies were used as lates as the 1950's to cure small girls from masterbation. Or that video killed the stripping industry. Oh, and my all time favorite, that Canada Customs has control over the media allowed into the country, and decides what is indecent. Customs. LAME.
Fun stuff like that.
What do you think?
Anyone have any fun facts?
5.9.07
I am lame
I am weird. Probably you all know that. I went to Seattle. It rocked. It was a long day. And I felt a little guilty for requesting it and then napping the whole way there, and most of the way back. My bestfriends dad drove us out. Showed us the sights. It was his day off, and I did, do feel guilty for monopoplizing it. It was part of the being spoiled on my vacation. Whatever I wanted I got. And I am grateful for it.
But back to Seattle and my being weird.
For the week before my vacation I went ON AND ON AND ON about visiting my meca, the birthplace of ....STARBUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to go, get my picture taken and just soak in the beauty of the original corporate blackhole that is Starbucks. It was right at Pike Place Market, where we were to spend our morning.
We got there. I looked inside. It was busy, full of people. I didn't go in. My friend took my picture. Her dad asked if we were going in. I said no. Too busy. Don't like crowds. I stepped in. Grabbed a mug, paid in the quickest moving Starbucks line EVER. And left.
Meca visited. Mission accomplished.
I love my mug!
But back to Seattle and my being weird.
For the week before my vacation I went ON AND ON AND ON about visiting my meca, the birthplace of ....STARBUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wanted to go, get my picture taken and just soak in the beauty of the original corporate blackhole that is Starbucks. It was right at Pike Place Market, where we were to spend our morning.
We got there. I looked inside. It was busy, full of people. I didn't go in. My friend took my picture. Her dad asked if we were going in. I said no. Too busy. Don't like crowds. I stepped in. Grabbed a mug, paid in the quickest moving Starbucks line EVER. And left.
Meca visited. Mission accomplished.
I love my mug!
2.9.07
Quiet Moment for Random Thoughts
It is funny when there is no noise. When the house falls silent. At home that never happens, there is the sound of traffic, neighbours moving behind thin walls and above me, two pyschotic cats running rampant, racing, raucious. Here there is silence, but for the sound of humming lights and moving air.
Can you imagine the mess of a motorcycle hitting a deer, a moose?
I don't like motorcycles. I can see how they would be exhilarating, but they scare me. To drive next to, to pass. And my biggest driving pet peeve is the biker that zips up behind, then to the side, and is suddenly passing the person in front of you.
A venti non fat no foam tazo chai contains approx. 320 calories, thats 100 more than a slim fast shake. It is recommended that you intake a minimum of 300 calories for breakfast to get the metabolism going.
Give blood. It takes little time and makes a world of difference.
Everyone has cancer. It is scary. A few of my friends parents are fighting it. It makes me worry about my own. It makes me worry about my friends.
The tip of the tongue the teeth the lips.
I downloaded Courtney Jaye's "Can't Behave" for my ringtone. LOVE IT! I need new music. Current fave is Timbalands "The Way I Are". I know, I'm a pop music slut. Current least fave is Fergie's #1 hit, can't remember what it's called, something about being a big girl and not crying, or out growing diapers.
Can you imagine the mess of a motorcycle hitting a deer, a moose?
I don't like motorcycles. I can see how they would be exhilarating, but they scare me. To drive next to, to pass. And my biggest driving pet peeve is the biker that zips up behind, then to the side, and is suddenly passing the person in front of you.
A venti non fat no foam tazo chai contains approx. 320 calories, thats 100 more than a slim fast shake. It is recommended that you intake a minimum of 300 calories for breakfast to get the metabolism going.
Give blood. It takes little time and makes a world of difference.
Everyone has cancer. It is scary. A few of my friends parents are fighting it. It makes me worry about my own. It makes me worry about my friends.
The tip of the tongue the teeth the lips.
I downloaded Courtney Jaye's "Can't Behave" for my ringtone. LOVE IT! I need new music. Current fave is Timbalands "The Way I Are". I know, I'm a pop music slut. Current least fave is Fergie's #1 hit, can't remember what it's called, something about being a big girl and not crying, or out growing diapers.
28.8.07
20.8.07
am i a writer if the pen never hits the page and the fingers miss the keys?
It has been a long time since i wrote. too long. For some reason lately I will start to write something and then it feels all wrong and I erase it and do something else. I think maybe it's because i have so much and so little to say. Thoughts go round and round in my head and then I'm not sure if I want to share those pieces of myself. Or keep them private. Does it add or detract from my strength? hard to say. Perhaps the words just needed to wait for the right time.
A lot of things are a changing for me right now. I am leaving my summer job that went from a 2 week position to a 4 month term. I am going to visit my very best friend and her family and then I will be working for my dad for 2 weeks and then school starts.
Working for my dad has been a challenge lately. He has two live in developmentally delayed dudes, and I do relief work for him. One guy is 57 and acts like a mostly well behaved 5 year old. The other is 40, autistic, and with a recent change in meds is now at the terrible twos. Before his drugs kept him pretty bogged down and easy to get along with. Now he is more alert and self sufficient. The down side is he has learned the word "NO".
Our daily battles this weekend have gone like this:
"Bill time to get up." NO
"Bill time for a bath." NO (he has recently decided against bathing.)
"Bill time to get dressed." NO
and my favorite... "Bill put your shoes on." NO
and then later "Bill take your shoes off." NO
ARG.
And then when we finally do leave the house is cheerful and flirty and giggly.
The upside of all this is he used to have tantrums and throw his toys around when something bothered him, and i havent seen any of that lately.
Just the word NO.
And as I am no longer with the boy I don't have the extra help I used to with the guys. It has become a lot more work.
I think I'll wrap up now before this post becomes so long that you look at it and your eyes glaze over at the length of my verbal diarhea. Have a good week!
A lot of things are a changing for me right now. I am leaving my summer job that went from a 2 week position to a 4 month term. I am going to visit my very best friend and her family and then I will be working for my dad for 2 weeks and then school starts.
Working for my dad has been a challenge lately. He has two live in developmentally delayed dudes, and I do relief work for him. One guy is 57 and acts like a mostly well behaved 5 year old. The other is 40, autistic, and with a recent change in meds is now at the terrible twos. Before his drugs kept him pretty bogged down and easy to get along with. Now he is more alert and self sufficient. The down side is he has learned the word "NO".
Our daily battles this weekend have gone like this:
"Bill time to get up." NO
"Bill time for a bath." NO (he has recently decided against bathing.)
"Bill time to get dressed." NO
and my favorite... "Bill put your shoes on." NO
and then later "Bill take your shoes off." NO
ARG.
And then when we finally do leave the house is cheerful and flirty and giggly.
The upside of all this is he used to have tantrums and throw his toys around when something bothered him, and i havent seen any of that lately.
Just the word NO.
And as I am no longer with the boy I don't have the extra help I used to with the guys. It has become a lot more work.
I think I'll wrap up now before this post becomes so long that you look at it and your eyes glaze over at the length of my verbal diarhea. Have a good week!
18.7.07
*8* more random things about me!
I'm writing them in reverse this time so I don't go over the limit.
8. As far as toes go, mine are pretty darn cute.
7. I love romance novels... perhaps addicted is a better word
6. HATE job hunting
5. Can stand only green, orange pekoe and chai lattes as far as tea goes. Everything else tastes too much like perfume.
4. Am super scatter-brained and always double check anything that is important on fear of forgetting something.
3. Don't always know when to keep my mouth shut... but really, who does?
2. Have just started letting the cats out on to the balcony and watch the spastic little boogers like a hawk. The flies drive River nuts and I'm afraid he might jump off trying to catch them, but Bosley is content to just chill and sit by me, he is the needier of the two.
... I don't think I have anything else right now....
hmmm...
1. Like spontaniety but am mellowing with age... I hope
8. As far as toes go, mine are pretty darn cute.
7. I love romance novels... perhaps addicted is a better word
6. HATE job hunting
5. Can stand only green, orange pekoe and chai lattes as far as tea goes. Everything else tastes too much like perfume.
4. Am super scatter-brained and always double check anything that is important on fear of forgetting something.
3. Don't always know when to keep my mouth shut... but really, who does?
2. Have just started letting the cats out on to the balcony and watch the spastic little boogers like a hawk. The flies drive River nuts and I'm afraid he might jump off trying to catch them, but Bosley is content to just chill and sit by me, he is the needier of the two.
... I don't think I have anything else right now....
hmmm...
1. Like spontaniety but am mellowing with age... I hope
13.7.07
Just Wow
My super cute, super pregnant... ok newly second trimester, stripper... ok played a stripper in a play, friend and I went to Walmart for no reason other to get out of the house. I picked up sweet chili sauce and bug spray. We got in line at the self serve tills and lil'prego went to find some child size glasses to fit her little face. She is one of those super petite girls who is going to look hilariously disproportionate during trimester 3. I can't wait to make fun of her. The line behind me was filling up the aisle and some guy was trying to cut in line so I went and stood next to the till that looked like it would be available next. I chilled their and thought about dashing of to grab the new Cosmo (yes it is trash but I LOVE it) when lil' prego came back looking for me. I waved her over and oohed and awed over her tiny sunglasses.
"EXCUSE ME!"
The voice of the woman at the till was shrill. We looked at her.
"Do you mind? You're supposed to wait back there."
"Oh? I think we'll just wait here thanks." I said
She huffed and went about paying. She glared at me on her way out.
"Have a fantabulous evening!" I couldn't resist, not when lil' preggo had my back.
She huffed. "You need to learn some manners!"
"Really?" I said. "I can't believe you think we should learn some manners when your mother obviously didn't teach you any."
Lil' preggo broke out in laughter.
Ya, so I wasn't nice,but wow. Just wow. If she wanted some space she could have just asked us nicely to move. It's not like I'm hard to get along with when I'm spoken to with respect. I just don't enjoy being spazzed on for no reason.
At least it makes for a good story.
"EXCUSE ME!"
The voice of the woman at the till was shrill. We looked at her.
"Do you mind? You're supposed to wait back there."
"Oh? I think we'll just wait here thanks." I said
She huffed and went about paying. She glared at me on her way out.
"Have a fantabulous evening!" I couldn't resist, not when lil' preggo had my back.
She huffed. "You need to learn some manners!"
"Really?" I said. "I can't believe you think we should learn some manners when your mother obviously didn't teach you any."
Lil' preggo broke out in laughter.
Ya, so I wasn't nice,but wow. Just wow. If she wanted some space she could have just asked us nicely to move. It's not like I'm hard to get along with when I'm spoken to with respect. I just don't enjoy being spazzed on for no reason.
At least it makes for a good story.
Tired Addled Brain
My brain is thinking tired, addled thoughts. I woke up last night to my cat settling in for a snuggle. He presses his head up against my cheek and throws an arm over my neck. I get drooled on a lot but it's worth it. Next thing it's morning. The alarm is slowly catching my attention. The boy has it on low. If it was just me it would be at an audible sound level, but hey, I'm not the one who has to be to work by 6. Jump up. Blink. Wander to bathroom to wash face. Find clothes. Put on. Wake the boy. Grab 4 bags of garbage of deck. Put outside apartment door. Put shoes on. Wash hands. Feed cats. Wander dawn 3 flights of stairs. No elevator. Outside with 2 weeks of garbage. Yummy.
At work. Sitting at desk. Is 5:58am. Am 2 hours early. Equals 2 hours OT.
YAY me!
At work. Sitting at desk. Is 5:58am. Am 2 hours early. Equals 2 hours OT.
YAY me!
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